No cat ever strolls down Half-Moon Lane.
It's all hearsay and superstition...
but queens tell their offspring stories
to make them stay-at home kittens.
Once there was a fat sleek Tom
who took a holiday from home
he wandered by, all unsuspecting
in search of chicken bones.
His humans missed him sadly
his family was distraught
they cried into their sweet & sour soup...
and complained that it needed salt.
The feline population dwindled
the dogs got bloated and lazy
for with less cats to chase around
their exercise schedules got hazy.
There came a new cat to the town
A Maine Coon Cat was he!
He stood two feet at the shoulder
and ate Dalmations for tea.
He heard the stories about the lane
from the cute little Persian next door
and decided to check out the rumors
and lay them to rest evermore.
Our hero he entered the alley
he sauntered right down that lane,
that cats had entered before him
and never come out of again.
Just as he came to the exit
of the posh China Plate café
a hand came out of nowhere
and spirited him right away!
He yowled and he spluttered and put up a fight
as only a coon cat can
but soon there was only silence
and the persistent whir of a fan.
The news of his disappearance
spread through the town like wild fire
and the remaining cats hid under the bed
fearing an outcome quite dire.
Once the kerfuffle had all calmed down
(though the Maine Coon was missing still),
a Great Dane taking a short cut
casually glanced o'er a window sill.
What he saw there he couldn't believe
and vowed to tell not a cat...
for there on a comfy armchair
the enormous Maine Coon sat!
And all around him in that room
upon each human lap
there lounged a pampered feline
being stroked or taking a nap.
The Coon Cat spotted the Great Dane
and closed one eye in a wink,
which proved that kitties have got smarts
no matter what canines think!
On Winter nights, in front of the fire
when the wind is whistling shrill,
the cats tell each other weird stories
to give themselves a thrill.
They yarn till their hair is standing on end
and their tails look like bottle brushes
but not one of them knows the real truth
'bout the Cat they talk of in hushes.
The Great Dane's discovered he likes Chinese
he's developed a taste for Chow Mein
for as long as he keeps their secret
he'll never go hungry again!
No cat ever strolls down Half-Moon Lane.
It's all hearsay and superstition...
but queens tell their offspring stories
to make them stay-at home kittens.